my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
