So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
