so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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