Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
