How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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