I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
