She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
