I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
