I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
