Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
