FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
