i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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