Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
