Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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