I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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