I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize