Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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