Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize