I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
