I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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