"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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