it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
