i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
