I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
high people should be assigned attendants
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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