I think im going to throw up on grandma
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
