I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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