ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
