I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
