ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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