Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize