Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
