I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
