now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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