Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
