i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
