omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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