my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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