I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
