Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
