i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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