help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
