go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
