If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
