Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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