what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
