If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
