Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize