fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
