if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
