Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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