Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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