Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
