Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
