literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
