Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So many bounce houses so little time
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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