1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
