The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize