I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
