i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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