woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
