Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
