I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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