He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
