What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
