Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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