I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
