Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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