so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
