there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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