First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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