you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
