I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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