Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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