That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
