I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
