The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
