is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
