Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize